Oh Discipline

One day I'll be able to call myself a disciplined human being. I'll introduce myself that way: "Morgan Service, disciplined human being here!"  Ok, maybe not. But it would be nice to know that if I did, I wouldn't be lying!

I did not meet my sleep goals for August. I have not, so far, met my unprocessed food goals for September. And I have troubles. Multiplied breakouts- depressive/ anxiety episodes-breaking out in hives every day again-constipated troubles. Sorry [not sorry] if that's TMI.

I've been having technical troubles too. My computer was out of commission for a while because my charger went kaput. Then my phone died and I received a less than stellar replacement. I can no longer compulsively check Facebook or Instagram (verb) every bit of my life. This forced semi-disconnection from social media is good though (I think). I know my father is relieved that I will no longer exceed our monthly data limit. You win Daddy-o, you win.

These past 7 and some weeks have not been all bad, however. I started exercising semi-regularly again. I've also journaled a few times after a many-months-long dry spell.

And I have other new things happening:

1. I'm loc'ing my hair! This is my second attempt ( I started the process in the late spring of 2011 but quit by the end of the summer) and I am sticking to it. So far I am a month in. I wore my baby locs out for a week but am now wearing yarn wraps (no, that's not me in that video) over them. Because honestly, the baby locs stage is just a little too rough for me right now. Not rough as in hard or burdensome. Rough as in "yikes, I don't feel as pretty as I want to!" And I'm fine with that being the reason I'm currently wearing braids.

2. I started a  blog on Tumblr! www.aqueerfaith.tumblr.com. I'm using it to discuss my experience of Christianity and non-heteronormative sexuality. I found it very hard to keep the blog focused because there are so many amazing, beautiful, funny, clever, poignant things on tumblr. To address that problem, I also made a secondary tumblr blog www.mfoodfaithfemme.tumblr.com for my other interests.  

My very first post where I detail the persons to whom A Queer Faith is dedicated.

3. I renewed my library card--it expired in mid-May--and I'm thrilled to be able to borrow books again! Right now twenty three of them are lounging on top of my bookshelf. There's that discipline problem again. But as my good friend, Bianca, put it, "what am I supposed to do?! They're free!"  I'm currently reading 10 books at once Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. So far, I like.

4. I have a camera again (I lost my last one on Valentine's day earlier this year)! A camera separate from my phone! And praise the Lord, because my "new" phone does not take very good pictures and getting pictures off of it onto my computer is more than a trial! Hannah gave me this camera for my birthday. Technically I've had it for a couple of months, but when I brought it back from Nashville, I left it at Han's place and it remained there until this past weekend. I purchased a memory card for it on Saturday and have been a very happy girl ever since.

I look like a professional, don't? 

I used it to take this picture of the pita bread and hummus that I MADE FROM SCRATCH tonight. Can you tell that I'm SLIGHTLY proud of myself?

I won't give up the fight to turn myself into a consistently healthy eater. My latest weapons:

 More to come on this when I can share something that will make you proud of my growing discipline.

Adieu.

Look What I Got! And Days 3 and 4

Yesterday I bought two things that made me very happy

The book Crazy Sexy Diet by Kris Carr and a Yoga mat. I read Carr's book some months ago and LOVED it. I know the name sounds funny but it's a legit read! Carr is a cancer survivor who basically treated her disease by making some drastic lifestyle changes. Here is  the Amazon.com synopsis of the book

"Infused with Carr's signature sass, wit and advice-from-the-trenches style, Crazy Sexy Diet is a beautifully illustrated resource that puts you on the fast track to vibrant health, happiness and a great ass! Along with help from her posse of experts, she lays out the fundamentals of her Crazy Sexy Diet: an anti-inflammatory, vegetarian program that emphasizes balancing the pH of the body with lush whole and raw foods, nourishing organic green drinks, and scrumptious smoothies. Plus, she shares the steps of her own twenty-one-day cleanse, and simple but delectable sample recipes. Carr empowers readers to move from a state of constant bodily damage control to one of renewal and repair, making this a must-have for anyone who seeks to be a confident and sexy wellness warrior."

Meh...I don't think that accurately portrays the book's awesomeness but at least you have some idea what it's about. Anyway, I was very sad when I had to return the book to the library. There was so much information that I didn't have enough time to absorb. I knew that I had to get my own copy one day; it's been on my Amazon.com wish list for months. Well, I made that wish come true yesterday! I can't wait to read it again! That probably won't happen for at least another week though because I'm currently working my way through The China Study. Loving it so far. ::Sigh:: I get so excited reading about food and nutrition!! You know how your mouth waters when you're really hungry and you get a whiff or catch a glimpse of the delicious meal you're about to eat? Well that's what my brain does when I read about this stuff. Yes...reading about food and nutrition makes my brain salivate..and it always wants more! Next on my list is The Starch Solution. I almost walked out of Barnes and Nobles with it yesterday but I couldn't justify spending $26.00 on it when it's less than $16 on Amazon, and free from the library if I just wait a couple of weeks.

As for the yoga mat: I do yoga fairly often and plan to do it even more regularly so I thought it was about time I invested in a mat. I learned this morning that doing yoga on a yoga mat instead of on a rug, a quilt, or a regular exercise mat makes SUCH a big difference!

Now onto food: I've officially completed FOUR WHOLE DAYS of being gluten, sugar, and dairy free (I would say vegan but I had that fried egg on Sunday)!  I am so proud of me. Only 38 days to go...It's been tough. It's hardest at the end of the day when I'm really tired, I get home and I still have to make dinner (a process that took me about 2.5 hours tonight) and I really just want something sweet to boost my mood. For the few days I think I may have been using too much oil and salt in my cooking so I'm trying to be more mindful of that here on out. Here's what I've been eating:

Day 3

Breakfast: "Nut Shake"- 1/4 cup almonds soaked overnight, soymilk, 1 banana, 1/2 avocado, 2 dates, 1tbs flaxseeds, 1 tbs hemp seeds, 1tsp cacao powder

Lunch:
Leftover Tofu Scramble, Grilled Polenta, and spring salad mix

Dinner: "Spicy Black Beans" (I used this recipe as a reference but basically only seasoned them with garlic, onion, Bragg's liquid amino acids, and nutritional yeast), Baked Plantains, Brown Rice, and Raw Kale Salad (I love raw kale when I prepare it this way: with olive oil, lemon juice, sea salt, raisins, and raw cashews, ahhh so good).

This has been my favorite dinner so far!
Snacks: a banana, baby carrots, too many handfuls of cashews,  and a pack of pistachios

Day 4:

Breakfast: "Very Very Banana-Blueberry" chia pudding

So "normally" you make chia pudding by soaking chia seeds in milk from anywhere from 20 minutes to a day or two. I usually make mine by soaking the seeds in soymilk or raw almond milk with some agave syrup. Well since I'm currently not using any form of sweetner that isn't a fruit I decided to try something new. I made a banana blueberry smoothie and then soaked the chia seeds in that. That's the first picture. I quickly realized if I wanted to be able to actually eat the pudding I'd have to spruce it up a bit. So I added a banana and some blueberries in their whole form. It wasn't the best but it was very edible. And I felt pretty great after eating it!

Lunch: Leftover Raw Kale Salad and Spicy Black beans (beans not pictured here).

Dinner Part 1: Brown Rice and Kimchi (making dinner tonight took a LONG time. So to avoid passing out from hunger, I had to have an "appetizer.")

Dinner Part 2: Breakfast Burrito Bake - This ended up being alot so I'll probably be eating it for lunch and dinner for the next couple of days! I loved this because it's made up entirely of vegetables, beans, and spices: mushroom, zucchini, onion, red bell pepper, potatoes, swiss chard, cilantro, black beans, and pinto beans. I did not love this because it was a completely oil free and salt free recipe and that took some mental adjusting.

I didn't have enough potato topping. womp.

Snacks: walnuts and raisins, baby carrots, a banana, an apple, raw cashews

Alrighty, that is all for now!

Quick Update!

This is going to be rushed and haphazard, but once I get it out of the way I can resume my regular posting!

I’ve been busy! Since my last post I’ve:

- spent a week in Jamaica

A little Jamaican scenery

-gone on a week and a half long road trip from Chicago to three cities in Florida

One of my road trip companions!

-hosted guests from out of town (and am about to do so again in a couple of days)

- met one of my ALL TIME favorite authors

My autographed copy of SEP's latest book!

- celebrated my 24^th birthday (TWICE!)

My vegan German chocolate cupcake from The Chicago Diner

-shaved my head

No hair!

-struggled through catching up at work after my multiple vacays while doing frantic apartment hunting, while babysitting daily, while working on a couple of paid writing assignments

- read the first five books of the Black Dagger Brotherhood series  (on 6 now!) like I said I would here,  plus the latest book by above mentioned favorite author

The recently released cover for book # 11 of the BDB series. The actual book comes out in March of next year. It's the story I've been waiting on ever since I read my first BDB book last summer!

- done some serious life contemplation

-suffered for 4 weeks straight (and counting) of hives (Who does that happen to?!  I finally went to the doctor yesterday and do you know what she told me? To take zyrtec for a month. Worthless. No. And I want my copay back!)  

-written many blog posts in my head and in Microsoft word…who knows when they’ll make it over here.

And…just…more.

If you’re wondering what’s going on with my 10 pounds down plan, I wonder if I could get away with saying that I haven’t started it yet? Don’t judge me! Life has been crazeee (see above list). I have been pretty diligent with exercising every day though, not so much with maintaining a clean diet.  I am, however, currently working my way through In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto by Michael Pollan (not so sure if I like that guy although I do like that he’s an omnivore with the motto: Eat food. Not too Much. Mostly Plants), The Blood Sugar Solution by Mark Hyman, MD and The China Study by T Colin Campbell, PHd.  So I’m at least reading about eathing healthily even if I’m not doing it myself. Case in point: do you know what I had for dinner tonight? Fried green beans. I bought a bunch of green beans from the farmer’s market the other day. I don’t really like green beans but I thought “everything tastes great fried.” And that was that.

Perfectly healthy fresh green beans

seasoned white whole wheat flour, soy milk, green beans, seasoned Ezekiel bread crumbs

YUM.

Also, recently, the UN-THINKABLE happened:  I green smoothied out. I woke up one morning earlier this week thought about making a green smoothie and my stomach turned, just twisted all up on itself, and I almost gagged. But I ignored  the feeling, got the blender out and whipped up a swiss chard, banana, peanut butter, carob concoction. MISTAKE. I couldn’t finish it and felt pretty nauseous afterwards L. This morning I didn’t even try to make one. I had an oatmeal cookie smoothie for breakfast instead. I’m hoping my stomach will wake up with a new attitude tomorrow. Or more accurately, with it’s OLD attitude. Not being able to drink my greens is going to vastly reduce the amount of them I consume…It’s my fault though, I went a little green smoothie crazy these past couple of weeks in an attempt to fix my hives situation. I never thought I’d get sick of them. Sigh.

C'mon tummy!

Remember how good this is!

My Saturday and...juice

I spent the majority of my Saturday in bed. Reading. It’s been a while since I’ve done that. The lucky book was Lover Reborn, the latest in J.R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. It falls in the “paranormal romance” genre, I think. It was excellent. I’ve read three out of the eleven books that make up this series—the three most recently published ones. I really enjoyed the first two I read (books 9 and 10)  but this last one (book 11) is the only one so far that I’d describe as “excellent.” According to a friend who also enjoys this series, the first three are supposedly the best so I am planning to go back and read the entire series starting with the first book. I will let you know if she is right. It’s an incredibly strange series haha. I just tried to write a synopsis of it for you and failed. Google if you’re curious!

I have to say at first I found J.R Ward and this series (let’s count how many times I’ve said “series” so far) quite annoying—I couldn’t STAND the way she wrote (for example instead of saying sneakers her characters describe shoes as “shitkickers.” That might be cool once but they don’t just do it once. Shoes are never shoes in her books they are always “shitkickers.” How many times can you use that word before it gets old? Once! And her books are always at least 400 pages long—this last one was 572 pages—that’s a lot of opportunity to say “shitkickers.” I bet you’re already annoyed just having to have read that word three times). I also found the main gender ideas promoted in her book a little questionable. But her style grew on me— overall she writes in a way that is unlike anything I’ve ever read, SO completely her own and I now kinda love it. And I realized that her gender angle wasn’t so cut and dry—she presents an interesting combo of macho caveman mentality traditionalism and progressiveness.

Once I stopped being annoyed I could appreciate the humor of her writing style as well as admire the uniqueness of it and the boldness it takes to be that kind of unique. Ultimately I got pulled into her very strange world and the stories taking place in it. After that first book Lover Mine(actually the 9th one in the series) I picked up the next one, Lover Unleashed, and then the next--the one I read today ( yes, the titles are all "Lover something," no the books are not as corny as that trend suggests) . Something Ward does extremely well is tell multiple stories at once. Even though each book focuses on a specific character there are always other stories going on in the periphery that come to fruition in the following books. And because of this I am anxiously awaiting the next book in this series (which should be out by the time I finish reading books 1-7 and the insider’s guide, yay)! It will finally focus on and bring resolution to one of those peripheral stories in which I’ve become deeply invested!

Anyway I’m not particularly recommending the book or the series (although I really enjoy it!) but now you know a little more about me and about my Saturday!

Now lets switch gears to my fave topic—food! My diet lately has been a combination of poor and stellar. Swedish fish and mustard greens-spinach-banana-strawberry smoothies. Sugar jacked “chocolate” wafers and raw kale salads (so freaking good!). “Crazy cake” custard and gluten free oatmeal with raisins and chia seeds. Entire bars of dark chocolate and plastic snack baggies of carrots and apples. I’ve been eating 3 bananas and at least 3 handfuls of raw cashews a day. I know, what the eff right? My body is saying the same thing. I need consistency and I have a new plan to get it. It starts tomorrow (Sunday) and I will share it with you then! In the meantime check out this uber healthy juice I made a few days back. Don’t gag. It’s impolite.

Ze main ingredients. Just made orange-carrot juice and mustard green juice, frozen strawberries and green superfood powder.

Blended the strawberries with the mustard green juice.

Combined the strawberry-mustard green juice with the orange-carrot juice

Added 1 tablespoon of the green superfood powder

et voila! I downed that sucker. and I liked it.

Until tomorrow!

Fifty Shades...

I am bereft.

My soul is downcast.

Why you ask?

Well, I just completed the Fifty Shades Trilogy and I have that melancholy feeling I get when something great has come to an end. When I end a good series I always have a hard time re-entering the “real world.” It happened with Harry Potter, the Twilight Saga, The Vampire Academy series, The Mark of the Lion trilogy…. Friends (the TV show)….and now, this.

Have you heard of the Fifty Shades Trilogy? If not, don’t worry, I only heard  of it a couple of weeks ago. Although it was just published in April it has become something of a phenomenon, gaining and maintaining bestseller status since. The term “Fifty shades” kept popping up in some random friends’ statues on my Facebook news feed. After using context clues to figure out the term was the name of a book, I googled it. Here is the beginning of the Wikipedia article on the series- “Fifty Shades of Grey is a New York Times #1 bestselling erotic fiction paperback and e-book by E. L. James. Set largely in Seattle, it is the first installment in a trilogy that traces the deepening relationship between college graduate Anastasia Steele and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of BDSM.”

BDSM?! Whaaaa? This description (as well as many others that I found) sounded kind of wonky and strange so I decided to pass. But then “fifty shades” popped up one time too many—a friend posted a facebook status saying how excitedshe was about finally getting the third book. Curiosity got the best of me again and I went over to Amazon.com to see some more reader reviews. As I read praise after praise of the trilogy I became more and more intrigued. Maybe it wasn’t so wonky after all. It was the last line of the official book description that really made me consider reading it though. It read “Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.” I thought, hmm how can this book that has been dubbed “mommy porn” be “deeply moving” ?

Over the next week I did more scant research, and although the descriptions of the book remained off putting (I’m just not one to read erotic fiction for the sake of erotic fiction y’know?), something gradually shifted in my brain and I went from feeling mmm, meh about the book to thinking I have to buy this tonight! No…tonight? No…tonight? Yes. Yes!” So a week and two days ago I purchased the kindle version of the first book (I have a “Kindle for PC” not an actual handheld kindle) Fifty Shades of Grey and I stayed up all night reading it. Doing so was an unwise decision on my part as I had a tremendously busy day and rest of the week ahead. But I couldn’t stop. I finished the 514 page book on Thursday night (it would’ve been sooner if not for the aforementioned tremendous business). It was seriously fantastic. FAN-TAS-TIC. I promptly purchased the second one, Fifty Shades Darker, online Thursday or Friday and on Saturday during a Target trip I bought a physical copy of the third and final book in the series, Fifty Shades Freed.

The past couple of days when I took Emile (my babysitting protégé) to the park I used some of the time to read. On both those days I had mothers at the park with their children glimpse the book in my hand and exclaim “oh you’re reading Fifty shades?!” One woman told me that her husband bought her the trilogy for mother’s day, and then another mother told me that she was also halfway through the 3^rd book. Considering the “erotic” nature of the books, this was HI-LARIOUS for me. Especially because of this  SNL Skit hahaha.

 I’m waiting for this series to become really, really big to the point where there are more facebook statuses either gushing about it or expressing annoyance over it. I am expecting more of the latter. After the second mother approached me in the park, when my initial amusement died down, I randomly thought, the series would gain legitimacy if men liked it. That thought sparked some  other thoughts about “men’s fiction” and “women’s fiction” and how one term garners respect, while the other is more likely to solicit eye rolls. Then I thought, well actually there really isn’t an explicit“men’s fiction,” genre. You won’t see that term printed on a book spine. Kind of like how you won’t see a “white fiction” genre or “white entertainment tv.” And, well it is legitimate to say that a truly good book is one that both women and men will enjoy, that’s fair. But then I thought but there’s more to it than that… unless a book is backed up by male approval, thought it may be popular, it just doesn’t get the same critical acclaim or legitimacy it would otherwise, while if a woman says “this is a good book!” that judgment is up for more debate and needs to be validated by a male opinion. Then I wondered—is the problem that women are more likely to be attracted to “sillier” books than men? If so, why? Or are certain books thought of as silly because women rather than men are attracted to them? And whose definition of “silly” (or “not silly”) is legit?

I don’t know how valid these thoughts were. ::Shrug:: I feel like things are this way but that’s only my perception. I guess my main point now is that I think society is quicker to negatively judge a popular book because it doesn’t appeal to the majority of men whereas if a popular book does not appeal to the majority of women it’s not bad at all—in fact that could be one of its merits. It is then a sensible, logical book—and I see things playing out this way for this series.

Anyway, I really just wanted to share how much I loved the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. It was a great reintroduction to the world of fiction after a couple of months of predominantly reading my chemistry text book and books about food and nutrition. I will probably read it again soon. Slowly. If you are curious I would recommend checking it out. Be forewarned that all the descriptions you find of the series might sound silly. But before you get judgy (pssh did Morgan really read this crap?!) or think it’s not worth your time, remember your initial reaction when someone suggested you read Harry Potter or Twilight. Exactly.

Yes its very risqué and I have to admit that I did get a little tired of all the sex. I remember it felt especially tedious in the second book. I’d turn the page and would think “Oh look…they’re having crazy sex…again. But for the most part it’s not pointless. It’s not erotica for the sake of erotica... for the most part. And for those who would find BDSM morally offensive, be slightly reassured that there’s no hardcore, outrageous stuff and the book does not actually promote the practice. It’s just a part of the plot. And it is a good plot. The books are very funny and the characters are super wittyJ. And like I said before it really is “deeply moving” like amazon promised :).

If you give it a chance, I don’t think you’ll regret reading it. You might even be a little sad when it’s done.

Sigh L.

I liked this cluster of reviews that I found on Wikipedia :

“The Telegraph criticized the book as "treacly cliché" but also wrote that the sexual politics in Fifty Shades of Grey will have female readers "discussing it for years to come."^[9]A reviewer for the Ledger-Enquirerdescribed the book as guilty fun and escapism, but that it "also touches on one aspect of female existence [female submission]. And acknowledging that fact – maybe even appreciating it – shouldn't be a cause for guilt."^[10]

Interesting no?

Also, there is a good article about it on the Huffington Post (it has a couple of minor spoilers though) And oemgee please watch this video of Ellen Degeneres supposedly doing a reading for the audiobook. It is effing hilarious.

Bye friends!