Thursday, July 26, 2012

No More Sugar[coating] !

No this isn't about actual sugar ( I'm trying to send you a subliminal message though) although that would be highly apropos for this blog...

On September 10 2011 I coined my first original quote—“We’re paralyzed by our inability to be honest.” If you’ve heard someone else say that, don’t tell me haha. I was pretty proud of it (it’s nice right?).  At the time I typed up that short sentence in MS Word, I literally felt stuck, trapped, because I couldn’t communicate truthfully and directly with a very significant friend. Since then I’ve become more aware of the importance of honest, “whole truth,” communication as well as of the fact that it’s not something I do well enough. This awareness really came to a head the other day as I was contemplating my new goal of seeing and describing myself  as accurately and honestly as possible. To sort my thoughts out I wrote this:

 Sometimes when I try to explain a certain situation or feeling I get flustered and I end up saying things like “It’s just really complicated,” “it’s really hard to explain,” “I don’t know...y’know?” Today I acknowledged that 90% of the time when I end an explanation with one of those lines, I’m actually lying. “It” is not really hard to explain…I do know. But I usually become incoherent because I think that the person I’m speaking with will a) not like what I have to say or b) won’t understand my story the way I want them to. So as I explain,  I find myself trying to make my words completely amenable to the listener  as well as saying what I think will allow them  to maintain the image of me that I want them to have. This often means tweaking the truth a little. If there is any actual confusion on my part about what I’ve done and why, how I feel about it, and how to explain it clearly enough, this is probably where it begins. When, in fear of being offensive (or of being seen negatively in any way really),  I change the truth even a little (usually through intentional vagueness and omission) I start to doubt what I thought I knew and become confused about how I actually feel about this, that, and that other thing. As  it turns out, confusing the “truth” I tell others is actually c) a handy habit to practice when I feel like avoiding or denying a particular truth about myself. No beuno. So I’m going to start saying "no" to my conversation- sugarcoating- tendencies.

Wish me luck.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Quick Update!

This is going to be rushed and haphazard, but once I get it out of the way I can resume my regular posting!

I’ve been busy! Since my last post I’ve:

- spent a week in Jamaica
A little Jamaican scenery

-gone on a week and a half long road trip from Chicago to three cities in Florida
One of my road trip companions!

-hosted guests from out of town (and am about to do so again in a couple of days)

- met one of my ALL TIME favorite authors
My autographed copy of SEP's latest book!

- celebrated my 24th birthday (TWICE!)
My vegan German chocolate cupcake from The Chicago Diner

-shaved my head
No hair!

-struggled through catching up at work after my multiple vacays while doing frantic apartment hunting, while babysitting daily, while working on a couple of paid writing assignments

- read the first five books of the Black Dagger Brotherhood series  (on 6 now!) like I said I would here,  plus the latest book by above mentioned favorite author
The recently released cover for book # 11 of the BDB series. The actual book comes out in March of next year. It's the story I've been waiting on ever since I read my first BDB book last summer!

- done some serious life contemplation

-suffered for 4 weeks straight (and counting) of hives (Who does that happen to?!  I finally went to the doctor yesterday and do you know what she told me? To take zyrtec for a month. Worthless. No. And I want my copay back!)  

-written many blog posts in my head and in Microsoft word…who knows when they’ll make it over here.


If you’re wondering what’s going on with my 10 pounds down plan, I wonder if I could get away with saying that I haven’t started it yet? Don’t judge me! Life has been crazeee (see above list). I have been pretty diligent with exercising every day though, not so much with maintaining a clean diet.  I am, however, currently working my way through In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto by Michael Pollan (not so sure if I like that guy although I do like that he’s an omnivore with the motto: Eat food. Not too Much. Mostly Plants), The Blood Sugar Solution by Mark Hyman, MD and The China Study by T Colin Campbell, PHd.  So I’m at least reading about eathing healthily even if I’m not doing it myself. Case in point: do you know what I had for dinner tonight? Fried green beans. I bought a bunch of green beans from the farmer’s market the other day. I don’t really like green beans but I thought “everything tastes great fried.” And that was that.
Perfectly healthy fresh green beans

seasoned white whole wheat flour, soy milk, green beans, seasoned Ezekiel bread crumbs


Also, recently, the UN-THINKABLE happened:  I green smoothied out. I woke up one morning earlier this week thought about making a green smoothie and my stomach turned, just twisted all up on itself, and I almost gagged. But I ignored  the feeling, got the blender out and whipped up a swiss chard, banana, peanut butter, carob concoction. MISTAKE. I couldn’t finish it and felt pretty nauseous afterwards L. This morning I didn’t even try to make one. I had an oatmeal cookie smoothie for breakfast instead. I’m hoping my stomach will wake up with a new attitude tomorrow. Or more accurately, with it’s OLD attitude. Not being able to drink my greens is going to vastly reduce the amount of them I consume…It’s my fault though, I went a little green smoothie crazy these past couple of weeks in an attempt to fix my hives situation. I never thought I’d get sick of them. Sigh.

C'mon tummy!

Remember how good this is!