I was feeling kind of melancholy, for various reasons, as I was sweeping my kitchen, and had, a little while before, been thinking about how I wanted to bring up my recent noticeable struggle with envy and jealousy during prayer time at church tomorrow. So, I was sweeping, and these words played and I just thought “wow...how true is that?”
In his book Crazy Love, Francis Chan frequently comments on our arrogance towards God. He says two things in particular that I love, “ Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation?”( pg 33) and “But to put it bluntly, when you get your own universe, you can make your own standards” (pg 34). Though these two statements don’t entirely relate to this most recent “aha” moment of mine, they speak to the same core idea. They speak to a mindset of arrogance, of disregarding the fact that God created everything, me nothing, and therefore has the right to determine how any and everything goes. After hearing those last words of “Give Praise” I thought of my arrogance in thinking that I deserve more than I have—that I am entitled to more. When the truth is, I don’t and I’m not. Every good thing I have, my very life, is a gift from God. He’s the reason I am breathing right now. The reason I’m typing this potential post. He doesn’t owe me anything. And really, how dare I think I need or deserve something more than I have or something that someone else has.
What God gives me, he gives me. A wonderful, loving, funny family and a particularly amazing mother, thank you God. Health, thank you God. The opportunity to pursue my passions, thank you God. Things to be passionate about, thank you God. Fantastic, fantastic friends, thank you God. Community, thank you God. The ability to form relationships with a variety of people, thank you God. Deliverance from crappy life situations and their resulting negative feelings, thank you God. Knowledge and access, thank you God. Gracious professors and employers, thank you God. Several places to call “home,” thank you God. A million opportunities for laughter every day, thank you God. Money to pay rent, money to eat, money to get around Chicago, thank you God. Intelligence and a (mostly lol) sound mind, thank you God. The ability to breathe, walk, talk, see, smell and hear, thank you God. This stunning face, thank you God. HAHA. I couldn’t resist ok?
Anyway the point is, I didn’t do anything to deserve the best things in my life and there are absolutely no reasons that I deserve God’s daily sustenance. And what I have at this moment is enough for this moment. Does that mean I’m going to stop working towards having or achieving more? That I’m going to stop asking God for things? Of course not. I want to be healthier, happier, have a sustainable, enjoyable job, to not be concerned about where next month's rent is coming from, to not struggle with an impulse disorder, to get my PHd, to marry a fantastic man, to never have another ulcer, to have fraternal twins (one boy, one girl), to have a million blog views lol, to have everyone think I’m beautiful, smart, and hilarious, to have less hardship, uncertainty, and emotional struggles in my life, to see brokeness and pain in the lives of those I care about healed and taken away, to own a VitaMix and Excalibur food dehydrator…I don’t think there is anything wrong with desiring those things. It just becomes problematic when I see them as things I’m entitled to and when that view blinds me to the gifts I’ve already received and/or diminishes my awareness of God’s sovereignty and the rightfulness of his whim.
I want to specify that I don’t at all advocate an attitude of sitting back and letting life happen to you or accepting bad, unfortunate , tragic circumstances or incidents as “just God’s will.” I definitely believe there are times when God wants us to question and wrestle with Him. Rather, I say all of this from a place of really wanting something(s), trying all that I could do to have something(s), praying a lot for and trusting him with things that were completely out of my control and still not getting the result I wanted—being sad or mad about these things without realizing that well, there was/is no valid reason for me to have what I was asking for, no reason that I deserved any of it. In every good thing I desire, if God chooses to let me have it, fantastic. If not, he’s God and look at everything else he has already given me that I’m failing to be thankful for and make the most of right now!
“I’m blessed King Jesus, you saved my life, made my life, and mold my life.”
-Give Praise, Sherwin Gardner. 
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